One of the factories on my commute let’s out around 4am. It’s a funny thing to watch because the industrial park is right across from this residential area and there’s this line of cars exiting the parking lot of the factory and turning right into the residential area. Like a mass exodus all making a left hand turn into various avenues toward home and their beds.
I was envious that they got to go home already when I wanted nothing but to be back in my bed. Wishing for a few more moments of sleep as I drove towards work.
It’s too damn early. Waking up at 3am. Today it was particularly difficult. The worst actually than it’s been the past few weeks. I anticipate that being a consistent issue as the week goes on without our usual opener, who is on vacation…and I really hope comes back and doesn’t suddenly retire.
I’ve drank more Mountain Dew in my life this week than I think I ever have…and I mean ever. Which I’m sure isn’t a good thing. Caffeine is pretty hard on my body. I crash hard when the crash comes and I’m exhausted, which just becomes a perpetual problem throughout the day. I have to drink more to keep the crashes at bay.
At least Mountain Dew has multiple zero sugar flavors now. So the only thing affecting my blood sugars is the stress. Have I mentioned I haven’t been able to get my blood sugars below 300 mg/dl for the last week and a half? Yeah that’s been fun.
I’ve been open for 20 minutes. As Soja Boi blasts across the gym I can almost hear the collective groan. Our clientele is not exactly cut out for todays music. Often times on weekends I just play classic rock because it tends to make everyone happy. Today I agree with the groan. It is too damn early for that song. Plus it’s my least favorite. Burned out for me when it came out in my high school days and never quite redeemed its self.
I quickly take a moment to duck into the bathroom, knowing if I don’t now I won’t get a chance later when things pick up. Even my early personal trainer shouts “Go! Go now.” As she sees me b-line for the restroom door. She knows. She knows well. Plus my coffee from this morning won’t let me hold it anyway. So people will just have to wait if they need anything from me.
My coffee acts as a thin veil keeping the cranky early morning me concealed. My poor husband will see that side of me later, like he has all week and graciously loved me though all the same. This morning I miss him. I’ve hardly seen or spoke to him. If he’s home I’m sleeping or working. I can’t recall the last time we were intimate much less just able to have a fully functional convo. I’ve been too tired to brain. Too tired to be intellectual…at least out loud. To think and speak feels like too much some days. Especially when I’m exhausted like this.
I’m just really sick of being tired all the time and I’m at my wits end.
...Bag O' Magic Soup 