Despite every part of me being absolutely terrified to do it, I finally did the thing….I followed a few people on WordPress. A lot of people would laugh at this, but it’s actually a really nerve wracking thing for me … Continue reading
Bringing characters back…… https://movies948.wordpress.com/2018/01/06/bringing-characters-back/ — Read on movies948.wordpress.com/2018/01/06/bringing-characters-back/ Death is such a compelling factor for survival and finality in storyline. What kind of effect does storytelling have when we remove death as an obstacle or finality by bringing characters back … Continue reading
Laid up on the couch with lungs aching and throat raw I listened as my husband made soft noises in the kitchen, preparing tea. I yawned, which then became a coughing fit, like any deep breath had done for the past 24 hours.
“Lemon Lift” was the name of the tea he kept bringing me, and it seemed to be the only tea that was soothing my cough as well as my throat and peeking me up, but it only seemed to work for an hour or so at a time.
At first my husband had seemed beside himself. The day prior when I woke up sick he was smothering and overly hovering around me. Bringing me my meds, food, and whatever else he thought would be helpful all at once into our room as I had coughing fit after coughing fit. Eventually, I snapped at him to let me get up and move so I could better evaluate myself and just to get him to leave me alone. He had work to get ready for. I had to call the museum and let them know I wouldn’t be volunteering. Then I had to change my insulin in my pump and get at least one load of laundry started.
As my husband left for work he came into the bathroom and kissed my forehead with his usual farewell. “If you were a unicorn that’s where your horn would be. I love you. Feel better.” I shooed him away so he wouldn’t be late for work and so I could get things done to rest more easily, in a harsher tone than I usually would have because of my sick state and painfully tight chest. He left and the house echoed only with my cough and the sound of our cat Henry crying that his daddy left.
Upon returning to the kitchen to take care of getting tea prepared I saw that my mug and a “Lemon Lift” tea bag was already waiting for me. Next to it was a sticky note.
I nearly cried and died from the coughing fit that happened after that. With tears streaming down my face I realized how cranky and rude I had been to my husband who was only acting out of love and concern. He hadn’t ever seen me sick before and was desperately trying to ease my suffering in all the small ways he knew how. I had only rejected them and dismissed them in my prideful and cranky state. I felt even more terribly.
The rest of the afternoon was not as restful as I had hoped. I pushed through laundry and realized that the floors were dirty along with dusty everything. I dusted (making my cough worse) in hopes that it would help alleviate my sickness. Then I moped the floors to get the salt and mud from our boots and shoes off everything. In doing that I noticed the counters needed a good wipe down and in wiping the counters I did the stove and sink too. Then I realized I should probably have some sort of dinner ready for my husband when he got home, so I could show him how sorry I was for being so rude to him earlier that morning. After starting things in the slow cooker I realized the vacuum was full and emptied out the dust can (again the coughing) and after that decided a long steaming hot shower was required. After that shower I decided feeling pretty would help me feel better and did my makeup, took my social media selfie, and rested for an hour before my husband came home from work.
Today, I woke up feeling worse. My cough was more wet than it had been the day prior, but that just meant more coughing and throat rawness. My husband came into our room with a hot mug of “Lemon Lift” in his hand. I didn’t protest and I let him fluff the pillows behind me before I laid back. He turned on the Himalayan salt lamp and let me lay my head back on the pillow as he played with my hair. After awhile he kissed my forehead.
“If you were a unicorn that’s where your horn would be. I love you.”
“I love you too. I’m sorry about yesterday.”
“I forgive you. Now rest.”
So I did.
I’m not sure anyone else takes selfies when their sick, but I do. Mainly because I like faking health and wellness on social media. Here is the result:
I’m not sure why I started taking on this philosophy, but somehow I got it in my head that I needed to look healthy in hopes of it encouraging me either into feeling healthy or actually choosing to make healthy decisions.
So today I put on my comfy spaghetti strap tank top, threw my cotton blazer over to of it and put on my most colorful necklace I bought for $5 from a friend who sells paparazzi jewelry (yes, this is a supportive and shameless plug link, because the jewelry is amazing, inexpensive, and I love my friends that much). Put on a light layer of foundation, eyeliner, and mascara, and a little lipstick…you know. To make my lips feel pretty even when I’m coughing my lungs out.
While I know looking pretty doesn’t make the flu go away, it certainly helps to boost my confidence. I feel like less of a lump of sick and more like a human again. I feel like I’m clean instead of sweaty and feverish, and if I don’t look sick, it helps me to feel less sick psychologically. Of course I’m not going out anywhere, and all I’ve managed to do is dress up nice to push through laundry, throw dinner in the slow cooker, and nap in a little while with my kitties. Still, somehow knowing I look nice and seeing glances of those bright colors makes me happy, which I think helps considerably in the healing process (along with the green tea, Himalayan salt lamp, cough syrup, and fever reducer).
I fail so much when it comes to my faith, and I continually find myself grateful that I have a God who redeems such failings, and yet in me is a pride that I struggle to let go: the pride of not forgiving myself.
I am so prone to this, and even in my actions of prayerfully confessing all of my sins to the God I claim to love know forgives if only I ask, I struggle so profoundly and deeply with this issue. I have assurance, and yet, I fail to see it. I have security and yet I choose not to feel it or experience it. It’s a foolish sin, I know. A foolish thing to claim freedom in faith, and in the same breath struggle to claim it at all. Yet, it’s so human.
So I ask for prayer for this, from whoever is willing to take a moment and do so on my behalf. Thank you.
It’s the day after Christmas, and all through the house…it’s just me a the kitties laying about.
My husband had to be back to work today, but I still get the day off. Which means I have a whole day to myself, and I’m super excited about it. It’s not often I get so much alone time.
What do I plan on doing? Working in the of course. When I got up to move my car out of the driveway so my husband could get out and go to work it was -9* outside. So after I kissed him goodbye I hurried inside and plan to stay indoors. I’ve already cut up some kiwi and strawberries and started them in the dehydrator for 20 hours.
I rested in bed to warm up a bit more after being outside to juggle cars, and while I did that I listened to a Sermon on the last half book of Ruth called “An Immigrant’s Courage” from a Podcast series my brother had recommended to me. I found it very encouraging and it really helped to change my attitude and perspective on the Holiday season, not because it was the Christmas story, but because it was reflective of the Grace offered to humanity through Jesus Christ and shows the unusual ways in which God chooses to redeem people. All of which is precursors to the events of the Nativity. I really just recommending listening to it yourself and letting it bless you if you have the time or a commute in which to listen.
In a little while I plan on doing as much house work as I can. Dishes need doing from the festivities yesterday. Some laundry could stand to be done. I got a new vacuum for Christmas and really could stand to do a little to get rid of the cat fur and dust in the living room if not to clean up the small bits of wrapping paper left in my carpet. Dinner needs making and I plan on using my new Slow Cooker I got for Christmas for that (my last one broke and I’ve been missing having one) so eventually I can either relax and read or get some at home hours for work by working on some thank you card designs our company owner requested I letterpress print for him.
In all I just wanted a day to relax from everything. To detox from the busy that was yesterday and really just invest some time into spending time getting to know myself a little bit. To think about the past year and who I’ve become since then and who I’m being lead to be in Christ, which is always a difficult question because I’m so aware of how much I want to fight what God wants in selfish pursuit of what I want. So today is my solstice reflection of days going from darkest to light again and progressing towards a New Year and renewed self.
I hope you all had a Merry Christmas and have a very prosperous New Year.
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“We had to send him home.”
“He came in with pink eye.”
“Hand me that hand sanitizer I plan on rubbing it in my eyeballs just to be safe.”
People who come in to work sick upset me, especially when they have something as highly contagious as pink eye.
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