“Even the other realtor is shaking her head. You were a sure thing! I don’t know why they didn’t take your offer.” “Because of a number difference. I’m not surprised at all.” That’s what it came down to. They didn’t … Continue reading
“I can’t handle all of it.” I whispered that first week to myself as I laid in bed thinking of everything I had to do. That should have been enough of an indicator to me that I needed to delegate … Continue reading
“I don’t think she understands that I may not live to see that.” I had finally said it. It finally came out of my mouth after thinking it for the last couple of years. There it was out in the … Continue reading
“It sounds like your pancrease might actually be working.”
I nearly threw my burger across the table and flipped it. Why would you say a dumbass thing like that? It’s obviously not working! My blood sugar was just 285 fasting. Clearly not working.
My mother, while I love her and realize part of her is hopeful that I am miraculously healed, often says very stupid shit about my diabetes. Which is really pissing me off lately, since she is also a diabetic, and though type two, used to be the person who understood. Now it’s like she’s gone left field and over the fence. It’s not her hopefulness that makes me upset. I appreciate how much she wishes that my diabetes would suddenly disappear. I do to. But, I am very aware of how my body works. I’m aware of what is not working as well.
Okay, maybe it is the hopefulness I’m upset about.
I’ve no hope for a cure for myself. I’m too unhealthy and they’ve not found much to provide a cure. At least not one that’s a sustainable cure. Temporary things. Things that have yet to be proven by the FDA. Things that may never be because of how pharmaceutical companies do their dirty. I’ve given up asking God for a cure. I’ve given up most days on my treatments because of how they don’t feel like a cure at all…and how expensive they are. She knows that I’m this discouraged. Why would she say something so clearly impossibly hopeful? It’s been 16 years. All of it is a lost cause.
So, in my pursuit to be prepared for marriage I have started to look into literature on the matter. Not that I’m very excited about reading up on such things, but I figured I would do what I could to … Continue reading
Coco Chanel once said that when you wear perfume you wear it “wherever you want to be kissed.” I recall some time ago I had a discussion with the other girls in the cosmetics department about how and where To … Continue reading
It was the kind of hot and sticky day where the air outside was stuffier than the air indoors. Which didn’t happen very often, but lately often enough to make breathing that much more labored. I stood on the threshold … Continue reading