“You have a gentle spirit in you. I didn’t expect it.” She smiled warmly.
“Neither did I.” I responded a little shocked at myself.

We sat in my dorm living room. She and I. It was our first one on one interaction. I had not gotten to know any of my senior year roomies until the end of my first semester. We were all so busy, and spending so much time studying in quiet corners of the library and computer labs that none of us had really gotten to talk to one another.

I had never been called gentle. Nothing about me ever felt gentle. I felt like chaos internally. Always restless and deeply deeply saddened. My emotions drove me passionately when I was in groups. Mainly because I was terrified to be in groups. Too many people made me nervous. Over stimulated and fearful often resulted In obnoxious unfiltered humor that others either loved or hated. I let them decide for themselves. If they couldn’t love me when I was annoying, they didn’t deserve me at my best.

Recently it was pointed out to me again by a friend in what he described as a “delicate quiet.” I am anything but quite. I speak more than I probably should. But what he referred to was how tactful and soft spoken I was…which is odd to think about, because I never new I was actually soft spoken. Much less tactful.

It amazes me what others see about people. What others are willing to bring to my attention. My manager always points out to me in my quarterly reviews how easy going and calming I tend to be with the others I work with. I hadn’t known myself to be the kind of personality others found calming. Another friend of mine told me once that I was a very safe person to confide in. A customer of mine recently told me the same thing after almost an hours worth of her life story.

I suppose I realize I am my own worst critic. I focus too much on my own flaws that I forget to see what others see…which is so much better than I ever thought I could portray myself. I suppose it is human of us. We spend so much time living in our own skin and head, we know our failings and faults so well that we cannot see our strengths. It is beautiful when we have others who are willing to show us our strengths and let us know there is good there.

I am becoming increasingly thankful for those people in my life.

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