Makeup

I’m not a makeup blogger. I probably never will be, mostly because I do not buy into the same kind of mentality a lot of makeup artists do about the “right” way to do makeup. While I was once a professional makeup artist (no I didn’t go to cosmetology school, I just worked cosmetics in a department store), I don’t believe in the up-sell of making people buy more , which is what western culture promotes with techniques like “baking” and contouring and such. Not that those things don’t accomplish amazing tasks and offer a great deal of creative possibility, but I don’t believe everyone needs it or should feel like they have to use or do something like that to look good. Sometimes less is more, and sometimes more is more.

For one of you who are not my longtime readers, I got into makeup when I was in college as part of the theater troupe. I wasn’t into acting or performing, but I lied the atmosphere, and when the need arose for a makeup artists, I volunteered because I just happened to know a few things about makeup.

Of course, I knew very little really about makeup, but I liked color and often watched YouTube tutorials, even thought I hardly wore makeup myself. I ended up doing makeup for every show all four years I was in college, and when I graduated from college with my design degree…I of course started working retail almost immediately as a beauty advisor. Eventually I got promoted to visual merchandise manager after a couple years, but I never stopped loving makeup and often still found myself covering shifts in the cosmetic department of our store.

Why am I telling you this? Well, I got a TON of new makeup recently…like an overindulgent amount to the point where it is absolutely ludicrous. Since getting all this makeup I’ve been doing all I can to actually wear it and use it, which means…staying home and wearing makeup around the house because I never go out and do things really. Thankfully, things like Instagram and WordPress exists…which gives me a platform to publicly display my face and looks, without leaving the comfort of my bed…as is the natural habitat of the introvert.

Now that I’m a graphic designer for a housewares company, makeup is a hobby and creative outlet that I enjoy playing with. A coworker of mine who is very talented as a makeup artist and I share an office and are often sharing makeup secrets and recommendations. Recently she recommended this pallet to me, which is really cool and has some really great colors for subtle or dramatic looks.

Plus it has such great packaging and it’s like $8 at Khols, $10 if you order it from kohls.com with a little shipping and such. Anyway, it’s got some really great pigment for such an inexpensive pallet that I just had to share it with you all, not that many of you care, but it got me really excited.

Here are the colors:

As you can see I’ve already well loved most of them, but you gotta see some of the looks I’ve used some of these colors in:

I’m much more used to dramatic looks, but since I’ve gotten older I find myself leaning more towards pastel goth looks and kawaii/Lolita stuff in the past two years because they are more socially acceptable to wear daily than the cyber goth or goth glam looks that I used to be more interested in.

All that being said, I wanted to take this opportunity to share some makeup brands I’ve come to love and trust over the years.

Clinique

I started wearing Clinique and using their 3 Step Kits when I was thirteen. Fifteen years later I still use their 3 Step Skin Care System along with their Super Balance foundation and their Acne Solutions foundation (during that time of the month).

Kat Von D

Because I went through a goth phase, Kat Von D was my first exposure to highly pigmented and long lasting makeup. There isn’t anything I wouldn’t buy from her line, but I absolutely love her Studded Creme Kiss Lipsticks. Plus all her stuff is cruelty free.

Mahya Mineral Makup

Seriously, it’s just crushed minerals and with glitters this pretty, how can you absolutely not love them? Again, nothing I wouldn’t buy from here, but those Glitters? To. Die. For. I have 3 Glitters and 4 Lusterous Eye Shadows from these guys and I love them all so much. You can put them on as powder or get them wet and they become a cream. So lovely!

Tarte

Just buy the whole damn site. Really love their Limited Edition Rainbow Highlighter , their Shape Tape Hydrating Foundation, and anything they do that has glitter in it or on it. Plus they have really good sales.

Thanks for putting up with a random makeup post, now back to your regularly scheduled programming.

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Not Ready for Monday

A week long struggle with depression and stress at work ended with a coworker being fired Friday mid shift. Stunned by the sudden unexpected event and at least two weeks behind on just about everything, my coworker and I (the only two in for that day after other coworker was fired) ended up having to just call it a day. Both of us had plans afterward and the former coworker was supposed to be the one to stay late. Not that we planned on getting any work done if we stayed because with the shock we just had no idea what to do with ourselves.

Since leaving work Friday afternoon when my shift was over, I’ve had nothing but anxiety about the whole situation. Another coworker of ours has been gone because his father-in-law passed away. His two weeks of absence has probably been stressful enough , and now coming back to work, he’s going to be met with a workload a mile high and a coworker no longer with us that has been there since the beginning with him. None of this is going to go over well with him. He’s moody enough having not had losses in his life. I have a feeling this week is not going to be his week, and I’m afraid of the backlash me and my other coworker will be met with when he finds out.

So this weekend has been tainted with my anxiety in every moment. At the State Fair with friends, I had little to nothing to say, because my heart kept dropping every time I considered how quickly Monday morning was coming. In church this morning I found comfort in the sermon, about how God is with us in everything like he was with Esther, but still my anxiety was so high I couldn’t help but know the impending doom is coming. Yes, God is with us in all things, but that doesn’t mean it’s all easy, it just means God is there to show you what is next if you trust and obey, and for me…what was next is emotionally preparing for things to go badly, because it’s always better to assume that it will go badly, and to hope that there was some kind of pleasant surprise if it doesn’t.

After church I cleaned the whole house, made dinner (even though my husband is not home for dinner because he works the closing shift), and I called my mother to see how she was and try to get outside my own head, but even after all that….I feel so unprepared for Monday morning. I don’t want it to come, and at the same time I want it to have already been so I can say it was gotten over with and I survived it.

Sage Leaves and Dirt

When was the last time my feet had touched the ground? Like, the real ground? Dirt? It had been two weeks at least. Maybe three. So I wandered out to the garden, barefooted and spirit trapped within its own internal war, but he moment my feet hit the grass I felt all that stress and anxiety release. There was sage for picking in the garden. I would start there.

I did not start at the sage, but rather in a desperate moment of anxiety I laid on the grass and stared at the sky for a while. Why? Because I wanted to be reminded that I was so small in so vast of a world. That problems of mine were just as fleeting as my own life, and would soon drift away as time passed. That feelings were just feelings, no matter how strong they are, and that they too could fail me just as my own body could.

I needed to be reminded that I was finite. That a hundred years from now it is unlikely that I will continue to exists in the physical world, and all my emotions and problems would too.

I found comfort in this. As I laid on the ground staring into the sky, watching the clouds change from gold, to pink and purple hues, I found comfort in knowing the sun would also set on my stress, my sorrows, my anxieties, and my whole life. Maybe not today, but one day. I let that comfort wrap around me as the sky deepened in its blue.

I picked my sage and smelled it as I walked back to the stone steps of my tiny porch. Putting a soft leaf in my mouth to chew, I took my last deep breath of fresh air before entering and closing the door. Who knew I could feel so much better with just sage leaves and dirt?

Thoughts on “Boring” People

“I hate working on the assembly line. It’s so boring!” I shook my head as I overheard the conversation. Despite trying to curb my habit of eavesdropping I’m a sucker for a good story in the workplace, so I end … Continue reading

Empathy

I have this interesting emotional attachment to this spider who has been living on my drivers side mirror for a while now. It’s been nearly a month since I gave up on removing its web and decided not to kill … Continue reading

Age Spot

At first I had thought it was a smudge of something on my hand, but upon several attempts to wash it off and a moment of staring stupidly at its resilience, I realized what it really was.

It was an age spot. My very first age spot.

It’s a very faint light brown color, just like my mothers had started, and of course on the very same hand, just like her mother before her. I recalled when I first noticed my mothers hands changing and I recalled how my grandmothers hands changed too from my mothers account. Now it’s my turn and I’ve got it where they all seemed to have theirs start. Dead center on my left hand…only a faint shade of discoloration and half the size of a dime. Kinda shaped like the silhouette of that famous image of the Lochness monster.

It’s strange to think about getting age spots, since I’m only 27. Still, it isn’t a surprise either. I’ve been fortunate enough to have clear skin, few breakouts, and decent coloration most of my life and I’m sure it has run its course by now. My health isn’t all it could be. Diabetes is no laughing matter and has a habit of taking its toll on skin. It was only a matter of time before they would form. My grandmother’s started around the time she turned 35. My mother in her 30s. Both of them started out this way, on this hand, in a very faint shade of brown. My grandmothers had turned very dark blackish brown when she turned 60 which sent her to consult a physician only to find out it was nothing more than an ugly colored age spot. My mothers darkened, but not unattractively, when she turned 55 and has not changed much since. I only hope to be so lucky.

The reality of growing old strikes unexpectedly, and as I look in the mirror I find I haven’t really noticed my aging ever, and other than this age spot, I still don’t. I still have a very childlike round face and big eyes. My skin is still fair. My hair is still curly as ever and still it’s same color. Not much feels like it has changed, and yet emotionally I’m reminded that I am so much older than I once was. I know so much more. I’ve experienced so much more. I have witnessed so much more.

And there is still so much more to do.

At Work

Today was not all it could have been. While I was paying attention to our task list at work before July 4th, others were requesting their vacation time for the rest of the week, including the higher ups who were more focused on their time off than realizing we needed direction on a package design that has artwork due this coming Tuesday. So without direction, with myself and one other designer in for the rest of the week, and employee photos to do all day today and Friday…I can feel myself panicking a little.

I actually stand corrected. I’m here alone for the graphics team tomorrow. And I have a list a mile long for employee photos and other things that need doing, but require approval from my management…who are all on vacation until Monday. When I am not here.

On Monday, I’ll be at the doctors office in the morning and taking the rest of the day to recover from the doctor appointment…which exhausts me to think about. So, I, team member who is doing the food styling and photography for the panel images, is not going to be around to even start the project. Which means that the day the packaging is due…is the only day all of us are back from our vacation time and can actually talk about the design and process, much less get groceries, do the shoot, and finalize the images in photoshop.

It wouldn’t be such an issue if the images did not require food styling. I was never trained in food styling, and my boss and coworkers are satisfied with my work, but because I am not experienced in it, I feel like I take such a long time to do things that my photo shoots for the front and back panels of our packaging take me all day to do. So of course my anxiety is higher than ever knowing our time crunch and many obstacles.

My coworker has been doing her best to calm me down. She keeps telling me “How can we move forward without a direction from the higher ups?” And “It really isn’t any of our faults that everyone took vacation on us without prioritizing tasks.” Not that it’s really helping. Because normally the graphics team is the last brick in the wall, and until that brick is placed, the wall isn’t complete. Us being behind, no matter who held up the process before the graphics team was even involved, means production is held up…and it ends up being our fault. So we get shafted. Which sucks.

So as I sit down here, waiting for employees to come to the photo studio for their photos to be taken, I cannot help but sit in a puddle of sweat, both from the heat and anxiety. Especially when the employees don’t show up for their photo and I have to fight with myself over if it’s really worth it to be doing the shoots today. Especially with so many people unexpectedly on vacation.

Here’s to hoping today and tomorrow go quickly.

Heavy Things

I hesitated at the time, but when I saw her crying the Empath in me has to ask if she was okay. She wasn’t, of course. She just found out some aweful news about her brother and she began her mourning the moment she heard it and hadn’t really stopped since. Another tragedy had struck her family and life and so shortly after the passing of her father too. Now her brother was dying and she had only questions with senseless answers and useless consolations.

I told her that I felt sorry for her situation and affirmed that it really did suck. I knew nothing I could say would change it. It wasn’t worth trying to find the silver lining. There isn’t one when death and dying feels so final.

I was tired already from the night before. A friend had called me with his own personal crisis and he didn’t know what to do. After our phone call I struggled to fall asleep, worrying, knowing I could do nothing to help, but worrying all the same. Then there I was listening to my coworker pour out her heart over her brother’s diagnosis.

Its difficult being an empath. You want to love people, but loving people means hurting a lot all the time, because life is so full of heavy things and you feel with them a lot and want to help them lift the heavy load.