“Are we having a meeting about how big Emily’s file sizes are?” “What?” “Emily sent a huge file through WeTransfer the other day. It’s too big. People don’t delete things off their computers and it takes up a lot of … Continue reading
I saw that she had tried to call me, about 15 min after we were supposed to speak. I had planned and reschedule on her already for our phone call, but once again, my brain failed me. Not that I had forgotten this time, but I had laid down for a nap with every intention of calling her on time, then proceeded to sleep through the alarm, then proceeded to wake up thinking I had woken up in time, then proceeded to fall back to sleep. I had felt terribly about it upon realizing that I had missed her call. So much so that I texted her back and tried to make up the lost time.
Before I was married, I hardly forgot or missed a date. Now, it’s like I can’t set a date to save my life. I forget about it or I double book it or I just can’t seem to get myself together enough to make it on time. The worst part of it all, is that if I fuck up my own social life, I fuck up my husband’s. He knows so few people, and I’m the only one who contacts anyone to hang out because of it. His social life is entirely dependent on me. The introvert of the two of us. Ironic.
I feel like I’m unintentionally pushing people away. I want to see them. I want to spend time with them. I care and love them very much. I just am so sucky at keeping plans since I got married. What’s worse is that I promised I wouldn’t do this to people. I promised that my marriage wouldn’t make me fall off the face of the earth, because it had hurt my feelings so much to have my friends do it to me. Yet, I’m so tired being at the beck and call of my workplace and then having to come home and be at the beck and call of my husband. There really is no such thing as introverting and down time anymore. I can’t have days where all I do is nap without interruption. I can’t have the silence, or the daydreaming I used to, or at least, not the same quality of it. It’s like my brain can never refresh fully because the presence of another human being is there, forever. It’s weird. I don’t like it.
Part of me hopes this is temporary. Another part of me knows it isn’t. My husband is having a difficult time making friends of his own in the area. So he relies on me to make them for him. So here I am juggling the social life of an extrovert. Tired. Exhausted even. Neglecting my friends who are single for the couples I had so long also been neglected by until I was no longer single. I feel like I’ve only been married for a few months and the only respite I got out of it was a buissness meeting to IL(which was super fun and I really ought to write a blog post about it, but I’m not sure I’ll get to it), which doesn’t sound relaxing at all, but was a nice step outside of my husband’s life for an overnight, and a refreshing step back into my own world. A very clear step of only having to worry about myself again. The way it used to be.
All that sounds super selfish. I’ll admit it probably is. Which makes me feel like a shitty person. I don’t feel like I should play mother like this. I don’t feel like I should be responsible for my husband’s play dates. I’m hardly good at being responsible for my own. To be honest I really haven’t had my own play date in a long time. Maybe that’s the problem. Maybe I need to have my own separate friends again, the ones who aren’t another couple. Individuals I can keep in touch with and have all my own. Knowing myself though, I’d probably forget those dinner dates and such as well. Maybe I’m just destined to be a shitty friend forever.
I’m afraid to tell you the name of the Facebook group. Mainly because I’m pretty sure it isn’t legal to do his sort of thing. Passing off prescriptions in every case is illegal…at least I’m pretty sure. However, there I … Continue reading
I’m the kind of significant other, who sends links to drop hints. Not like, links to gift ideas, or links to vacation spots or anything like that…but I do often send links to my fiancé about important things. I go … Continue reading
People don’t tell you how terrifying considering marriage can be. No one really warns you much until you’re suddenly in a relationship and nearing that decision very seriously. Some people get really intense about it. “You really want to deal … Continue reading
That’s what I determined after every word I typed met my tearful gaze. I don’t want to confuse him if he reads it. I don’t want him to think I want to get back together. But admitting you miss someone … Continue reading
It’s been two months since I contacted the medical benefits customer services. I was told a notice was sent to the company I work for, informing them to stop taking funds out of my check and to reimburse me with the sum of money I am owed.
Still I have heard nothing.
To give a bit of background, I switched from Short Hour in cosmetics a few months ago to Part Time in Visual Merchandising. Part Time associates get medical discounts through a discount program to use in conjunction with their insurance policies. Before the discounts ever were active, I canceled the service, only to find several months later that money was still being taken out of my check.
Of course, part of it is my fault. I have direct deposit on my checks, so when I got most of my paper copies I hung onto them, but never opened them. Fortunately, I have every single one of them on file in chronological order. Hard copy. All on file.
Now, several hundred dollars later, they are still taking money out of my check. Enough money to pay for two months or rent. Maybe two and a half months. Enough money that could go towards my groceries and multiple medical expenses.
I keep telling myself that it will all work out. That everything will be fine and it’s all going to be okay. I keep praying and trusting God that justice will be served and I just get my money back. I keep hoping that I don’t have to lawyer up or write a ton of letters repetitively for several years before I see any result.
I’m not asking for more than I am owed. I am just asking for the money I earned back. Is that too much? I don’t think so.
I wrote out two large checks and sighed. My bank account was looking more and more sad with each expense. Moving was going to be so expensive that I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to afford my … Continue reading
There is a great fear that I like to think most women go through after a break up. That fear is being unable to be loved by someone else. Fear of the rejection of being found unfit, unattractive, and generally … Continue reading
“Do you want help?” She asked as I struggled to pull the table off of the carpet and onto the tiles so I could slide it to its destination. “Oh, no my dear, I can call one of the other … Continue reading