Sunbeams

I had stopped in the threshold of the living room on my way to the kitchen. The sight: both my kitties laying comfortably in the sunbeam, eyes closed, full body stretched out and fur in perfect silky condition. Completely relaxed. Just about the only time the two could tolerate each other, when the sunbeams were warm and inviting and their eyes were closed. The mutual desire for the same goal, to relax in sunlight, brought them calmly together and let them rest quietly together.

I joined them. Pulling up my sleeves and my pant legs to let my skin be exposed to the rays. As I laid there, I attempted to drown out my stresses and fill them with quiet and calm. I concentrated instead on listening to the cats purr and be aware of the sun on my skin…and to breath out my anxiety. Then I began listing the other things my cats had been trying to teach me lately. To drink more water. To play, whatever that looked like. To take snacks to stay sane and to eat when hungry not when bored. To allow myself moments in sunbeams to purr and be.

Lately it’s been stressful, and when I’m stressed I often throw self care to the wind and do the bare minimum just to survive or to become a workaholic to drown my stress in distraction. But now I’m forcing myself to rest. I’m joining my husband in the basement to watch stuff on YouTube for a few hours. I’m reading for pleasure as well as for self improvement. I’m spending time with my music as usual, and allowing myself to drift into my other world and learn about this other self in the scenarios I build in my mind. I allow myself to be. To enjoy. To lay in sunbeams with my cats and purr.

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