As I sat on the couch watching Animal Planet with my mother and husband I became very aware of my lack of pets on this trip. We had left our two kitties at home for the weekend, and I was missing them terribly and worried about them even though our neighbors were watching them. So, of course in my anxiety, I ate…a lot.
I could tell between my food log and my stomach that I was going to and already had, gained a considerable amount of weight already on this trip, and despite my best attempts to talk myself down, I felt like I was going to make poor coping decisions when I got home. Still, I was having a good time. I was getting out a little bit everyday to walk and shop, to see the sights.
My younger brother had taken us on a scenic drive through the national park. It had high hills and dunes with plenty of trees. My mother was glad for the opportunity to wood bathe and I was just glad to spend some time with my brother, who had not always desired to spend time with me in the past.
To be fair, neither of my brothers really wants to spend time with me. I’m not sure what I ever did to make them so repulsed by my presence. They’re very close and have left me behind, and because of their intense personalities and critical attitudes, they seem to take a stance that always ends with me looking like a fool in their eyes.
That evening my brother had spoken to me about traits in people such as introversion and extroversion being choices that people make in their lives. My reply had been that I wish I could train myself to be an extrovert, and how much it would help me at work and just in general, and then I explained that introversion and extroversion are not the only social personality types and to be fair everyone has variations depending on the situation and the company they’re in. It’s not a binary system. His argument was concluded with “I like the idea of having the freedom to choose.” Thus the argument was over for me, because how can I logically argue with a subjective preference? Of course I looked foolish for having no retort and of course, in my brothers mind I had lost even though I merely stopped arguing to change a preference.
My mother commented as we sat watching Animal Planet.
“I heard you arguing with your brother this morning.”
“Yeah? What about it?”
“You should be a lawyer.”
“Well I’m good at losing.”
“Not if I was judge. His argument was absurd. How can you argue something subjective?”
I nodded, thankful that my mother understood. She always understood that my brothers lived in the black and white of their minds. I live with a mind that believes in color hues and shades of grey. There are facets to everything and they reflect more than one color.