I am easily discouraged lately.
I’m discouraged because work has been very tense with toxic communication and disrespect for other people’s job descriptions.
I’m discouraged because I’m paying a great deal of money for a wedding that doesn’t feel like the intimate and God centered setting I wanted it to be.
I’m discouraged because many of the people who expressed that they would be sad if I eloped and disappointed if they were not invited to my wedding, have already told me they will not be able to attend it.
I’m discouraged because when I get depressed as I have been lately, I buy things with money I don’t have and then feel a deep sense of regret for having spent so much so foolishly.
I’m discouraged because I am so easily exhausted by people, even if they are people I desperately love and admire, and this exhaustion is often misunderstood as rejection when I turn them down when asked to hang out.
I’m discouraged because I desperately want to enjoy things, but I’m so tired from work, wedding planning, and freelance designing that each moment I spend attempting to enjoy things is quickly turned into a reminder that this time I’m spending attempting to enjoy life, is taking away from time I could be working on my many obligations.
I am encouraged that I have a God who understand all this. Who knows my inner most parts and sees what’s going on and comes to me in unexpected ways, even when I am resistant to Him and His love for me. I am truest blessed in all this, and I am growing in these struggles.