I knew it was coming. Even before the polls opened I knew. When I went to bed that night I knew. It was knowing that discouraged me, but I was not defeated. All things happen in cycles. The world turns. The sun rises and sets. Things start over. New beginnings become the same old same old, and so on into infinity. The same mistakes are made. The same triumphs repeated. This was no exception. This was just another cycle. I could survive another cycle.
When I opened my curtains the next morning, the sun shone brightly and cheerfully as the clouds drifted in the sky. Hints of orange in the distance indicated the new sun, which was truly the same old sun it’s always been, but refreshed with the day. It was a strange juxtaposition to the turmoil in my heart. I had been expecting to see a dark sky and a world in flames. A post-apocalyptic materpiece strung out before me into an endless distance.
Though the world looked fresh and new, I prayed. Prayed not because I feared the man, but because I feared the followers of him and how they may hurt my friends or me. I avoided social networking with the exception of posting my own small piece of advice to drift off into the world quietly. No hashtags. No hate. Just the soft sound of a heart beating in hopes to find those that share the same rhythm.
Work was stressful enough as it was. A large scale sale set had gone completely awry. There was not a single emotion unfelt in that place, and it was everything in my power to keep from turning and running far far away as each emotion was verbally unloaded onto me. The empath’s burden. My heart was already so tender, and yet I clamped those iron wrought bars around it and pulled it further into myself. Bruising it as it was dragged into those depths to keep from the pain of the day. I felt my mind wander back to my dear friend’s words that past weekend as I felt a tiny papercut to the heart.
“You are so special. Go out and be special in the world.”
I could weep. The world felt so frightening now. Even more so than it was before, and I had been quietly walking on it’s eggshells. Trying not to make too much noise. Being an honest nobody. Now I wanted to do nothing more than scream and wail wishing that the world had more empathy, compassion, and love. I wanted to love with such a passion that it smothered the hate to death.
Above all, I want to make art that speaks nothing but wisdom in a world that has tried so hard to ignore it. I want to create things that speak to the hearts of the broken in such subtle and kind ways that it turned before it even realize it had changed. I want to make things that change the mind, and thus, the world.
I do not know where to begin if not within the self.
The world is not in ruins. It may be broken, but it is not so far gone yet. I know people in this world who do good and love deeply. They are still here. Not yet gone from the face of the earth, though perhaps perplexed and distraught over how badly everyone seems to be getting on since the results rang out in the night. We are still here. On both sides of the equation. Still with arms open and a heart to draw into and love. Anger burns the soul to nothing. Love warms it to nurturing. Today, I choose to love. Everyday, I will choose to love. This hate simply must not last.