No Cure

“It sounds like your pancrease might actually be working.”
I nearly threw my burger across the table and flipped it. Why would you say a dumbass thing like that? It’s obviously not working! My blood sugar was just 285 fasting. Clearly not working.

My mother, while I love her and realize part of her is hopeful that I am miraculously healed, often says very stupid shit about my diabetes. Which is really pissing me off lately, since she is also a diabetic, and though type two, used to be the person who understood. Now it’s like she’s gone left field and over the fence. It’s not her hopefulness that makes me upset. I appreciate how much she wishes that my diabetes would suddenly disappear. I do to. But, I am very aware of how my body works. I’m aware of what is not working as well.

Okay, maybe it is the hopefulness I’m upset about.

I’ve no hope for a cure for myself. I’m too unhealthy and they’ve not found much to provide a cure. At least not one that’s a sustainable cure. Temporary things. Things that have yet to be proven by the FDA. Things that may never be because of how pharmaceutical companies do their dirty. I’ve given up asking God for a cure. I’ve given up most days on my treatments because of how they don’t feel like a cure at all…and how expensive they are. She knows that I’m this discouraged. Why would she say something so clearly impossibly hopeful? It’s been 16 years. All of it is a lost cause.

2 thoughts on “No Cure

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