I’ve slept so much the past few days that I find I’m super hungry today. Probably from the meal skipping, but it could be because of boredom. I’m not sure. All I know is I keep throwing frozen veggies into condensed cream of soups in hopes of making them feel more filling.

Part of my problem isn’t just the missing meals. It’s that I really don’t have many groceries, and to be perfectly frank, I can’t afford them right now. Which makes me get more creative in hopes of filling my stomach and giving me enough energy to get through the days ahead.

Money problems are not new for me, but recently I had a bit of an issue with some tax forms, and my guy and I realized that we had made a mistake on my taxes. It was a nerve wracking day when he called me to go over some things and we realized the mistake. After getting off the phone and pretending all was calm, I broke down and had a panic attack. People go to jail for this kind of thing. I freaked out. Like really freaked out.

There are few things that trigger my anxiety like money does. Actually only one other thing does: my irrational fear of alligators. Money is my primary anxiety. Do I have enough? Did I save enough? What did I spend money on that I probably shouldn’t have? Did I need it? Really need it? Sometimes it gets so bad I’ll sit and contemplate the ethics of using toilet paper or needing soaps to bathe (I mean the pioneers didn’t have it so why do I?). I only go grocery shopping once a month and can live pretty well off $150 worth of foods if I get family size packages of pork and chicken, sale prices frozen veggies, bag of apples, bag of onions, bag of baby reds, condensed soups, cereal, milk, and sandwich stuff. I do pretty well. If I have money to spare I’ll buy some bags of bagels occasionally…or booze.

Thankfully I was able to get the right tax amendment paperwork together and everything paid straight away. It didn’t leave me much though, and took a good chunk out of my buffer fund, which had been looking sad enough as I found myself taking nibbles out of it here and there without reimbursement. Several hundred dollars later I’m living of buttered noodles and cream of condensed soups mixed with frozen veggies. Soon it’ll all be noodles and a bunch of flours (like rye and soy stuff) my mom gave me when my dad was diagnosed with Celiacs disease (made in factory’s that have wheat in them apparently and that’s just as bad as eating wheat I’m told). Better than living off dollar store food, which is basically candy, cookies, and crackers. Occasionally Raman, but our local branch has a hard time keeping that in stock for some reason, and it’s not worth driving to the far side of town to get stuff. All of course are wonderful foods to snack on occasionally, but only temporarily filling.

I suppose skipping meals because I’m tired in a bit of a blessing in disguise since I don’t have much food in the first place and having missed my thyroid pills earlier this week I’m sleeping more instead of eating. Thus, I don’t need the food as badly. Tonight I managed to put noodles and mixed veggies in tomato soup for dinner. It was kind of like spagettios. I have half of it left for lunch at work tomorrow. I had a couple handfuls of some trail mix (which should just be called reason mix because it’s seriously just reasons with an occasional nut, banana chip, or dried pineapple piece in it) and a huge 20oz Tervis full of water a while ago to quell my hunger. Tomorrow morning will be a cup of coffee. That will hold me until lunch, and thankfully tomorrow is pay day, and I can go grocery shopping after work.

I realize this post is not  at all exciting so I’ll end it with “and then I killed a man” to add interest. How I allegedly killed said man and why will remain unsaid because, of course, it never happened, but feel free to leave your speculations or imaginings of such an event in the comments below if you feel so inclined. That is all.


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