It’s been a very long time since I actually sat down at a computer to type. Like a legitimate computer. This is a beautiful and odd feeling, since much of my life is conducted via cellphone. Including all my blog posts. Which, has been the case the last few months since moving to my apartment.
Presently I’m visiting my parents for the day, though the visiting has become more of a quiet separateness involving my father searching real estate on his Kindle and my mother watching old re-runs of “Grace Under Fire” which she has become fond of since being an empty nester. My younger brother, who had insisted months ago that he move to Florida, is now back in the cold midwest weather to visit, and hasn’t really been at my parents house since he arrived, which we all agree is for the best. Still I wish his visits involved us seeing him more.
I spent my New Years Eve as you all had heard in one of my previous posts: with my cat, reading, introverting, and going to bed by 10pm. Not that I didn’t want to stay up late and touch the first moments of New Years Day, but it just felt more appropriate to treat it like any other day I would treat the rest of the New Year 365…asleep by 10pm.
My New Years Day has been as one would expect as well. I spent it at my parents house, with the people I love and have loved me in return. We cleaned the house for guests that would arrive on Saturday for a day visit. We went out to lunch at McDonalds so as not to dirty the kitchen since we spent our afternoon cleaning. Then we returned home. Cleaned more, rested, and after all was said and done my parents whipped out their Kindles to read and I sought out to use up the rest of my $30 dollars worth of iTunes credit and discovered covers of contemporary music redone as Gregorian Chants. Score!
In light of my discovery of top-40 Gregorian chants, I came to realize (rather to be further affirmed) at what a stinking odd duck I truly am. I had suspected long ago that I was odd, mainly because I struggled to relate to many of the people in my age bracket. I further felt this was affirmed when I realized I had only 5 people in my life that were close to my age that I called “friend” and the rest of my friends were mostly middle aged women and men who were beginning to become empty nesters. It took another step further when I realized the people I spent the most time with…were my parents (who are pretty cool for older folks).
This year I have been contemplating my oddity a great deal. Not in a very insecure way, but rather in a way that makes me appreciate my unique personality. It was the same personality that drew my current boyfriend’s attention, who was also an old soul with young blood, seeking another kindred spirit. It was the same personality that learned how to face my failures head on and push through to realize, they were not so much failures, as necessary falling-outs that resulted in freeing me from poisonous people. It was the same personality that sought to pursue new ventures and creative outlets. In turn it was the same personality that in a strange way, changed into a sadder, but wiser one, and then suddenly to a quite appreciation for the struggles and frailty of life. It was the personality that survived laying several good friends to rest, and still came out alive, but very changed.
This year has been a painful success. There is so much more to learn, and so much more to protect myself from. More questions to ponder. The same questions to ask in search of new answers. There is growth to come. Monotony and routine to build and cherish. Books to read. Posts to write.
Have a painful and successful New Year friends.