We said our goodbyes at the car. Her tail wagged unsuspectingly. We all cried.
My mom had asked days before if I wanted to come. I told her I didn’t think I could do it. Kandy would be too hard to let go of. I needed to separate myself. “It’s about all the tragedy I can handle in one week.” I told her.
My mom made the call two weeks ago to give us all time to emotionally prepare. I suppose I liked that better than what happened with my cat Oliver. You go in thinking positively, and come out of the vet without a pet. No one expects to do that in a few hours time. Kandy was a different case. She was not well, and was not going to get better, and as proud as she was as a dog, there was no way she would tolerate getting any sicker. So we had to make the choice, and two weeks ago mom maid the call to see the vet to bad her put down.
Losing a pet is completely different than losing a person. The loss is painful. It’s strange and uncomfortable. Like any death. The pain is not the same. It’s more temporary. It goes away much more quickly. With a person, that longing for them to be beside you again is much more intense. Than again, I suppose it is different when you know for a long time that the animal is not doing well. Kandy had her tumors for a very long time. She wasn’t herself his past week. She cried more. She laid around more. She didn’t seem like herself. She would put on a face for you. A cheerful front for the sake of her pack, but she was not herself even in that. You could tell the leg her tumor was feeding off of was deteriorating. The. We found another tumor, and yet another. It was just time.
I kissed her furry head as she licked my hand. She knew she wasn’t supposed to lick people, but I didn’t stop her. She laid in the sunbeam on the porch as we all gathered to say our goodbyes. Mom was crying. Dad was at peace along with my brother. I cried too. Then mom asked her thorugh the tears if she wanted to go for a ride in the car. Her last one. She never even knew it was the last one.
It’s just a lot to deal with in a weeks time. First losing my friend and coworker. Then losing my dog. I found myself pleading with God “Not another death of any living creature. Please? For me God? Just one day. It’s all I ask.” I know it seems silly, but right now my heart can’t deal with any more stress and devastation.
I need a nap.