As I placed each item inside the cardboard capsule, I found myself filled with mixed emotions. The emotions of happiness and excitement as I packed up what remnants of my childhood I wanted to keep and tossed the others in a bag to get rid of. The sorrow of leaving the childhood home that I kept coming back to in all the stages of my life. There was a bitter sweet sense to it all.
As I packed she kept texting me. Upset about her singleness. A sentiment I could relate to, but not as drastically as she felt it. Her past history of neglect and abuse made her crave love. Or at least the shallow persona of love. Whenever she could get it. This time she found a guy online who lived about an hour away and was sending me pictures of what he looked like. She wasn’t kidding when she said he was attractive either. A nice face and…a shirtless picture as well.
I couldn’t help but add my concern about her decisions to my emotions. I knew she just wanted companionship. I felt the same. Perhaps not with such desperation as she did, because I am not her, and cannot feel things on her level. Maybe I was just better at suppressing the desperation I was feeling. Loneliness does strange things to people after all.
Suddenly all emotion was completely covered with relief after finding my Garmin after a couple months looking for it. Here she was all in a tizzy looking for a man, and I was just happy to find my Garmin. I rolled my eyes at myself. What a terrible person I was. Wrapped up in my own life so tightly. All boxed up in my emotions and things. Dealing with my own stuff probably more than I should.
I need to get over myself.