Our conversation this evening, had started over how he was having a hard time remembering that we were no longer a couple. Something that I had felt for the first 3 days or so, but now had finally come to terms with. We were no longer together. It was real. I had to keep moving forward.
“You know…if you need some time and don’t want to talk to me for a while until you get used to things I wont be offended. To be honest us talking as much as we have been so recently afterward really is a bit too soon for me personally.”
I felt like a total bitch saying it, but it was the truth. I’m not a person who usually stays friends with my exes. This is the first relationship I ended that didn’t end so painfully and tragically. I feel like we could get along as friends. Unfortunately he is transitioning to friends immediately. Leaving little to no time in between for closure or healing. He wants to get the friendship rolling while we still weren’t over each other. I can’t do it that way. I need to be ready or close to moving on to be talking to him. Maybe not that far into the future, but I need to be more okay with my decision to break things off before I can really have a healthy friendship with this man.
I can’t help but feel a little upset by the notion that he keeps forgetting that we are no longer together too. I feel like he is trying to cling to things. To claim me. I feel a little weirded out by the fact that he feel so incline to inform me that he keeps forgetting to forget me. Like he is trying too hard to stay on my radar or to keep himself in my life so I can’t move on. I’m being paranoid. He has potential to the tendency of manipulative, but this is a case where I cannot be manipulated. Besides, when I told him it was too soon, he said he was okay with it. He said if I needed him he was there, but never pressured me to reconsider not talking to each other for a while. He seems to get it, so I can only take his word for it.
In other news, my WordPress app on my iPad is giving me trouble. It will not load at all no matter how strong my internet connection, so it has been rendered useless. Makes this therapy thing a little more difficult and less convenient, because my laptop isn’t exactly the most fast piece of technology in the world either. It will have to do for now. It actually forces me to sit down at my desk and write, which I have not done in forever. It’s kind of nice….if it weren’t for how short my desk chair is in comparison to this desk, but alas, this is all I have. It is better than nothing.