Overrated

“Consider yourself so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.”

I want my peace of mind disturbed. I want to find myself disrupted in thought and challenged. I want to lay in bed at night, awake pondering those mysterious and disturbing realities in the world. I want to be moved. I want to be passionate. I don’t want peace of mind. I want that beautiful and broken chaos that leads me to think critically and confused about my world. I want the things that can harm me to scare me. I want the things that are disgusting to disturb me.

My mind is not meant for peace. It is meant to hope in something better while my heart breaks over what is broken. It is meant to question everything. To be tested so that it can seek truth. I was created with an innate uncertainty, and I am built to strive to think my way through the ongoing onslaught of uncertainty, while experiencing the internal chaos. The comfort zone is overrated. It has only destroyed our backbones and our means of building strength. I have learned nothing from peace of mind. I have only felt numbness and apathy from it. I think it take greater strength to desire disturbance, and to want the tests of life to bother you, than to become someone who has only peace of mind.

I hope I never feel safe or comfortable in this world.

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