She Posed the Question…

She posted on one of her statuses:

“Why do exes hate each other so much?”

I commented something I can’t even recall well, that said something to the effect of “people don’t like to be reminded of what feels like failure.” At least it was kind of like that. But there was more there too. It was never just that simple. No relationship is ever that simple. There is pain built up over time. There is misdirected passion and anger. There are fights usually that cause the end…and in the end, someone is always hurt from the shock of everything the other keeps to themselves.

I have a hard time believing a break up is mutual. If it was mutual I would hardly call the situation a relationship. More like a friendship with benefits. I mean, does it mean neither actually cared about the other romantically in the first place? How do they get past the pain of the separation if they did care about one another? Were they just both too selfish to be together…and if so wouldn’t one harbor hatred against the other? Were they not selfish enough and kept running each other into the ground from trying to please one another?

I could never be friends with any of my exes. Nothing was mutual. Ever. Things always ended in a passionate and painful lack of closure. Because that is just who I am. Passionate. Painful. When I feel I have failed it is with great passion. When I feel I have given up I do so with great passion. Both are awful, especially when you have a very real sense of empathy for the other person. You feel with them, and it is also painful to know you are the cause of tears and anger. You take on their feelings and don’t know how to stop. It was frustrating. Because I know in my head, relationship that end are not failures. They are incompatible with you, and that is not failure. But feeling that empathy makes me want to fix the pain, and it isn’t my place to do so.


2 thoughts on “She Posed the Question…

    • I have. They just seem to be coming up a bunch lately. Lots of friends getting married and posting bits and pieces of their lives and comments about each other. Long discussions about my own long distance relationship with people. It’s got me on a kick lately.

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