Forgiveness rarely ever works how we expect it to.
Part of me wants to be able to say the words “I forgive you” or “it’s okay” and have it feel as if I have forgiven and that it is okay. It never works like that though. It constantly eats away at your heart and you have to keep telling yourself not to hold it against that person. That you said the words and they have to be real now. It has to be true. You actually have to get to the place where you do forgive them, even though every part of your being aches and pains you, because the wrong done you hurts so deeply.
But you can’t let it hurt. You become calloused when it hurts too long.
I can’t remember who told me this, but at one point I remember sitting in a car with a friend and them telling me “You need to learn just because you forgave, doesn’t mean that it’s okay, it just means you forgave.” She was right. They aren’t magic words that make everything better, they’re words that offer grace, and that require a continuously active process of actual healing.
Why is it that the healing hurts so much though?
In other news, when I get super upset I sleep on my floor for whatever reason. Weird right?