“I find it funny.” That was it after all. I just found it funny. Both amusing and strange.
“Why is it so funny?” She asked as she continued to put dishes in the dishwasher. I knew the sound well, even over the phone. I recalled her mentioning her desperate love of domestic work in conflict with her desire to behave more “feminist” like her many ideas suggested. I assured her feminism wasn’t there to rebuke her for her daily joys, but to offer her political equality.
“Well I think it’s odd that such a thing as White Knight syndrome even exists. I find it even more so that he has it and is dating someone like me.” I responded. I wasn’t a damsel in distress. I didn’t need saving. So what was he doing with a girl like me?
“Do you think maybe he’s looking for….I don’t know….a reason to save you? Maybe reading into your life too much? Maybe he thinks you need saving from yourself in some way?” She asked thoughtfully. I could see many reasons he would want to save me from myself. I was an internal mess, but I didn’t need him to save me from that. God did that, on a cross 2,000 years ago.
I love her. This is why we are friends. She asks the hard questions I need to hear. This is what friendship is.
I looked out my bedroom window. The day was bright, the sky blue, and the snow winked and sparkled on the ground. Patches of grass peeked through beneath, brown and ugly. Waiting for spring to make things beautiful again.
I sighed heavily. “Not sure. Perhaps. Then again, we are women, and we live in fear of being someone else’s conquest.”
She took a moment to process my words and responded. “Yeah, feminist culture really has made leaps and bounds for us as well as fools of us hasn’t it?” A rhetorical question. We both knew the truth in it. We both didn’t bother playing the gender card blame game. We just knew.
We were damaged. By men. By culture. By overthinking. By under thinking. By women. We couldn’t live in a world without every motivation backed by doubt and speculation. I sighed heavily again. Taking time to exhale my doubts and inhale fresh perspective. I borrowed and altered a phrase from the band House of Heroes “God save us the foolish kings….and queens.”
“Amen.” She politely concluded.
We spoke for another half hour after that. The subject wasn’t brought up again.